


If You Don't Know

by egress



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Denial of Feelings, Its all sad faces because i like to suffer, M/M, Songfic, This is a 5 seconds of summer song i hate myself choke me i want death, no fluff sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-08-08
Packaged: 2018-08-07 13:32:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7716607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/egress/pseuds/egress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If you don't know then just let me go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Don't Know

“ _ Tonight we're fading fast. I just wanna make this last.” _

 

Whatever the fuck they stand on, it doesn't matter at this second. The sounds that Peter makes, the feeling of the boy's skin - every single thing about Peter, Wade wallows in them like he couldn't get any more. He doesn't waste any second. Every single second has him focusing on every single thing about the boy in his bed. About this night. About every night they find themselves in this situation. 

 

The scarred mercenary nips and sucks on the skin of Peter's neck. He once tried planting a hickey on the boy's neck, but the other would just gently push his head away from his neck, and would kiss Wade’s lips again, so they won't be focusing on Wade’s attempt to mark Peter.

 

Wade knew Peter wouldn't let him leave a mark, but Wade hoped that Peter would change his mind. This time wasn't any different, it wasn't a surprise to say Wade felt a little hurt.

 

He did get himself in to this, he shouldn't expect more. He should even be thankful that someone still finds his body… decent enough to have their hands run all over his scarred skin.

 

Wade would try so hard to make himself believe that this thing with Peter would actually work, but when he wakes up, he's all alone again.

 

_ “If I could, say the things that I wanna say. I'd find a way to make you stay, I'd, never let you get away, catch you in all the games we've played.” _

 

And when he wakes. Some mornings, Wade would be lucky.

 

Calling that waking up with Peter still beside him, lucky, sounds very sad.

 

Moving on. Wade would say he's lucky if Peter is still sleeping beside him when he gets to wake up.

 

For a few minutes, Wade would just stare at the sleeping boy beside him, and marvel at the boy's beauty, intelligence, and his strong hold against justice.

 

The same ‘justice’ talk that Wade would  _ always  _ receive from Daredevil, you know, the ‘you don't get to decide who dies’ talk. Wade now also receives them from Peter. Every. Single. Dammed. Time.

 

It was kind of annoying, and it shrills up Wade’s head, because, fucking hell, he was made to kill people, and Peter just keeps getting in the way, with his justice talk.

 

But still, Wade very much likes the boy. Even a little bit in love with the boy, and it's why Wade has been trying so hard, with slowing down the killing, maybe, eventually, Peter would change his mind, and might, one can only hope, Wade’s feelings towards Peter might not be unrequited anymore.

 

But every time that Wade would get all sad and mad, either it from being woken up alone, and Peter pretending like he doesn't exist. Wade resorts to taking a job, and killing people, that would end in Peter getting mad, and they'd end up with another angry sex, and Wade waking up alone again, and, fuck, it's an endless cycle.

 

And, just like mentioned before. Some mornings, Wade is lucky if Peter is still beside him. Well, if Wade wakes up before Peter that is. Wade would press a kiss to the boy's head, and jump out of the bed to make pancakes, make his baby boy some breakfast, in hopes of having Peter in his house a little bit longer.

 

Yet every time, Peter would always decline. Always stutter about how he needs to go. Sometimes, being in such a rush, he grabs one of Wade’s shirt by accident. Wade never pointed it out.

 

Wade never believed any of his excuses. Yet every morning with Peter, Wade always hoped it would be different this time.

 

This  _ thing  _ that they have has been going on for months now, and not once had it been different.

 

_ “So, go ahead, rip my heart out. Show me what love's all about. Go ahead, rip my heart out. That's what love's all about." _

 

No matter how often he tries to show off that he's stupid. He's not actually stupid.

 

With a job like his, if he was stupid, he wouldn't even make it this far, he wouldn't even get this job in the first place, or have this kind of job for a long while, if he was as stupid as he shows.

 

He isn't stupid. Peter isn't stupid either. Wade knows that Peter knows how he really feels. Peter knows that Wade feels more than whatever the fuck they're doing. 

 

Wade knows Peter is having a hard time accepting that. Wade knows that when Peter is suddenly pushing him away, either literal or just avoiding him, Wade knows that Peter is scared.

 

Peter is scared to admit that he's into Wade. That he's into boys. He's into someone named Wade, who's a man, and who also kills people for a living.   


  
Peter is scared to admit that he's into Wade. And it's really fucking confusing and messing with Wade’s emotions, when Peter gets mad that he's this way, and he either fucks Wade, or get Wade to take him in a random alley, gets mad at himself again, and leaves. He leaves Wade, and ignores Wade for a while, until he wants to feel something again.

 

Reaching the safety of his home. Wade would get a bullet to his brain, just to shut everything up, even just for a little while.

 

When he wakes up, he would find himself comfortably lying on his bed. He'd look around the place to see his house cleaned up, and Peter sitting on the couch in his Spider-Man suit, without the mask, worriedly fidgeting with his gloved fingers.

 

Peter would profusely apologise for treating Wade the way he does. Then he would scold Wade for dealing with his problems like this. And Wade would always laugh it off, that some ninjas broke in and killed him. That Peter doesn't need to worry. 

 

Wade would always see, and always remember how Peter would look at him, with those brown eyes of his. They screamed of worry, and care. And every time, Wade always hoped that Peter felt the same.

 

After that, Peter would never stop peppering his face with kisses, and he'd have this hurt/comfort kind of fuck that he didn't ask for, but he wouldn't decline.

 

And when they're done. Wade is always left alone with his thoughts.

 

He wants this. He wants this. He wanted this.

 

What he keeps telling himself. He knows it would be like this, he knows Peter wouldn't, would never feel the same, yet he keeps on continuing this. He always knew what he was getting into. He was fucking and getting taken by a boy who has a hard time accepting his sexuality, a boy who has a strong opinion against killing.

 

Seriously, Wade doesn't know why the fuck Peter is still confused when he's literally fucking Wade when he's mad. 

 

Wade couldn't read the boy's thoughts, so, he guesses that he'll never know.

 

_ “I want you to want me this way. And I need you to need me to stay.” _

 

But then one night, when they had just defeated Killgrave - well, Wade killed the guy, that Wade snapped.

 

They were on a rooftop, because after Wade snapped the guy's neck, Peter couldn't breathe, he kept opening and closing his mouth, but no words left. (Wade guesses that, that usually happens when you just watched a man die in front of you, and you don't really see it on the daily.) When they heard the sirens coming closer, Peter just grabbed Wade’s body, and swung them to a random rooftop.

 

And now they're fighting again.

 

Peter is screaming at him, calling him crazy, and Wade would laugh, because that's something he hears every time, and an adjective that he describes himself. Peter was glaring, and really screaming, overall being mad.

 

Peter had his mask off by now, it was midnight, it was dark, not a lot of people are out, and not a lot of people would care. Maybe it was to show off to Wade how mad he really is.

 

“Are we really doing this right now? You think you can put him in jail? Spidey, the guy is just gonna mind control everyone to not do just that! I thought you were the smart one between us!”

 

Really, these kinds of fights are getting boring, but that's usually how Wade gets to spend time with Peter. 

 

He was so desperate, that he doesn't even care what they're talking about, fighting about, as long as he's with Peter.

 

And that's when Wade knew he needed to stop this.

 

He knows he shouldn't stop this, whatever he has with the hero. Because fuck, this thing with Peter is the closest thing he's had to being happy, finally having someone who actually enjoys touching him. He's desperate, it happens.

 

But if his feelings are unrequited, what's even the use? He's leading himself on. The longer he stays, the more it's going to hurt in the end.

 

_ “If you say that you don't feel a thing. If you don't know, let me go.” _

 

“I'm tired, okay?” His voice softens, his shoulders releasing their tensing hold. And God did he hate how vulnerable he looked, and felt right now.

 

Peter’s unmasked face softened, noticing how Wade went from screaming to mumbling. 

 

Wade noticed the same. He saw the hero gulp and look away into the night, his hair moving slightly from the wind. Wade took his time to memorise every detail of Peter’s face, because he has a feeling that this will be the last time he'll see the boy's face. Hey if this thing with Peter doesn't really work, there a lot more countries to stay at.

 

Wade continued. “Can we please just get to that part where you tell me how you really feel? I know that you don't feel the same, but I just need to hear it before I go.” The hero took a quick glance towards him, and under the moonlight, Wade saw his big doe eyes. He breathed out a desperate. “Please.”

 

The scarred mercenary only watched Peter blink rapidly, look away, and stutter. “I-I… I don't… I don't know how I feel.”

 

“Do you..” Wade sighed, running a gloved hand over his covered head, feeling very pathetic. “Do you see yourself in a serious romantic relationship with me?”

 

For a few seconds, Peter kept his eyes on the ground, but he looked up with hooded eyes, and shook his head without looking at Wade. “No.” He said the word so quietly that Wade would count it as a whisper.

 

Wade never thought a single word would ever hurt him this much. 

 

He nods and turns around, walking down the fire escape. “That's all I wanted to hear.”

**Author's Note:**

> Is this okay the way it is, or is this missing a part 2?
> 
> I've heard this 5 Seconds of Summer song since 2014, then it just came on shuffle while I was drawing, and I just thought of spideypool and angst. 
> 
> Anyways, thank you for reading, hope you enjoyed that, have a lovely day!
> 
> As always, come say hi or be a friend, you can find me at  
> Tumblr: sixteen-walls  
> Twitter: heatsLgnature


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